How ADHD Impacts Romantic Relationships

Dating with a mental disorder is not easy. Undoubtedly, such conditions can affect how we show up in relationships. Tasks that seem simple to some might feel impossible to those struggling with their mental health.

For example, someone with ADHD might struggle to remember important dates, show up late because of poor time management, or interrupt their partner constantly (without intending to do so). Now, let’s make one thing clear: these quirks do not make anyone unloveable, unworthy, or a shitty partner.

Rather, they require acknowledgement, work, and patience on the other person’s end.

How ADHD impacts relationships

On the subreddit r/ADHD, one person asked other Redditers how the disorder has affected their romantic relationships. 

One person responded: “In my committed relationship with my partner of 6 years, my working memory deficits are a frequent source of frustration (for both of us). My non-linear thinking can lead to miscommunications. My emotional dysregulation can make those miscommunications spiral into fights very quickly.”

Another wrote: “Easily bored, seeming distant from daydreaming, afraid of rejection, coming across as rude because you can’t remember what they just told you 3 seconds ago.”

A third added: “Being accused of mansplaining, when I’m really just trying to make sure I explain it correctly, anger when I used to repeat stuff back to her to make sure I understood, constant anger over losing things and taking longer than her to get ready, (gotta make sure I didn’t forget anything), and totally shutting down during arguments. Those are the main ones at least.”

Clearly, it’s not easy for people with ADHD to navigate romantic relationships—just as it probably isn’t easy for someone with, say, borderline personality disorder or obsessive-compulsive disorder. 

But according to Jeff Greenberg, transpersonal counselor, “ADHD affects more than 5 percent of adults, and in relationships, its impact often shows up subtly at first—typically in the form of missed appointments, unfinished chores, forgotten conversations. But these small misfires, left unaddressed, can gradually erode trust and connection.”

If not addressed early on, these tendencies can sabotage relationships. Greenberg explained that the non-ADHD partner typically feels responsible for holding everything together. Naturally, this can likely build resentment and lead to burnout. Some might even feel like they’re asking for too much, because they notice how hard it is for the ADHD partner to meet their needs.

On the other hand, the person struggling with ADHD often feels like a letdown. It’s as though, no matter what, they can’t seem to show up properly or self-regulate. 

Greenberg pointed out that ADHD isn’t just about distraction but can also cause issues with regulating time, emotion, and attention. This can be overwhelming for both partners, as it often triggers communication issues, difficulty navigating conflict, and more.

Not to mention, ADHD shows up differently in everyone—especially women, who are commonly undiagnosed or misdiagnosed. So that anxious woman who seems to overthink everything while striving for perfection and coming off as a controlling partner? They might actually suffer from ADHD.

Dating with ADHD

Of course, with any mental health issue, it’s important to seek therapy if you suspect you have ADHD. And if you suspect your partner has it, gently encourage them to talk to a professional.

Additionally, remember that no one is perfect. We all have our strengths and weaknesses. It’s about finding someone we are compatible with—someone we are willing to be patient with, and vice versa. No one will be completely faultless or flawless.

Additionally, you can find ways to work together and navigate these frustrations as a team. For example, maybe you can set alarms and reminders on your phone or gently call out when your partner interrupts you.

While ADHD might have its negative impacts on relationships, it can also bring unique benefits. Those with ADHD tend to be more passionate, energetic, creative, and resilient. This can help the non-ADHD partner to be more in touch with their inner child self, or perhaps it adds an air of playfulness and excitement to an otherwise monotonous relationship.

Try to shift the narrative to a more positive one, acknowledge what you can and can’t handle as a partner, and work as a unit to navigate any issues.